Lately, I’ve felt a deep tension within me — a constant push and pull.
The Push to Prove
The need to push through. To strive. Not the resilient kind that carries you through adversity — but the performance kind, driven by fear and the need to prove your worth.
But I’ve now learnt the more I perform, attempt to prove and strive – the less I trust God and the less I move with clarity, love, and trust — and the more I act from fear or the need to prove. The focus is on me instead of turning my focus towards Him.
But then, there’s also the desire to let go. To not be so anxious and worried about my life all the time. And just be. To truly trust God. Trust His timing. Trust Him with my life. My very being.
“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10 NIV
I have always been praised for my persistence and unfaltering ability to keep going, keep pushing and to always make it work. Most people, especially my family call me a “go-getter” which is not surprising if you look at the way I was raised.
My parents always taught me to work hard, push through even though things get hard and to never give up. And I am grateful for that every day. It moulded me into who I am today, it carried me through tough times. It gave me the drive and tenacity to move overseas by myself and to trust that I was capable of making it through.
However, Albert Einstein said and I quote:
'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'
I was saying I trusted God in all of that but all I was really doing was striving, pushing in areas that were begging me to let go, avoiding help so I wouldn’t be an inconvenience, clinging to independence to appear strong… and essentially, it all boiled down to not trusting God.
So I realised that if I really wanted to trust God, I had to change my approach.
I had to start BEING.
The Shift to Trust
Most of my language — and lifestyle — revolved around DOING. Action-based. Sometimes for no reason. Just to stay busy. Just to appear productive.
And don’t get me wrong, I am STILL a very action-oriented person… even so the intention is deeper. There is a deeper ‘why’ now — rooted in purpose, vision, and obedience — calling me into the action. It’s no longer random action but instead, aligned action towards the calling I believe God has placed in my heart which I continue to uncover – layer by layer, every day.
Which leads me to my next point:
Falling in Love with the Process
(I wrote a substack on this just over a month ago which you can find here: https://mikayleigh.substack.com/p/falling-in-love-with-the-process)
This simply means appreciating every step of the way. Enjoying the moment. Embracing the ups and downs.
How often do we set a goal only to get there and feel disappointed?
We had placed so much emphasis on achieving this BIG, JUICY goal only to find that it doesn’t satisfy. Instead of experiencing the JOY of the journey.
Ecclesiastes reminds us of the purpose of our work and the beauty of God’s timing:
“What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
Ecclesiastes 3:9-13
And here’s the thing–God WANTS us to enjoy our life. Enjoy our work.
It is a gift.
I love that. It just reveals the loving Heart of God.
Learning to Rest
At the end of last year, I read John Mark Comer’s book called Garden City which really helped me understand why we work, and therefore why we NEED to rest. It is VITAL for our well-being as humans — physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
“We are his creation. This is his world. We live under his roof, drink his water, eat his food, breathe his oxygen. So on the Sabbath (day of rest), we don’t just take a day off from work; we take a day off from toil. We give him all our fear and anxiety and stress and worry. We let go. We stop ruling and subduing, and we just be. We “remember” our place in the universe. So that we never forget . . . There is a God, and I’m not him.”
― John Mark Comer, Garden City: Work, Rest, and the Art of Being Human.
“And we just be. We ‘remember’... There is a God, and I’m not him.”
This is still a relatively new concept for me that I still battle with but slowly learning to trust God more and more in my rest.
An Invitation to Be
What would it look like to just be today? To remember there is a God — and you’re not Him? What’s one area you can surrender today and trust Him with in the unfolding?
Leave a comment and let me know <3
Keep showing up, I believe in you and so does He!