There’s No Formula, But There Is a Lighter Way to Live
You don’t have to fix yourself—there’s another Way.
For YEARS, I was chasing the next formula to fix my habits.
To fix my friendships.
To fix my insecurities.
To fix my sin.
To fix my human-ness.
There is NO formula.
Life is a beautiful mess of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, going forward and stepping back. There is simply no way to control your growth. To a degree, you can but at some point you reach a place of stuck-ness that you can’t really change in your own power.
This took me about 10 years to learn.
And even though I’ve learnt this, I often find myself scrambling for my next information fix. And I repeat the cycle of forcefully trying to fix myself.
What I’ve come to learn is that information informs you, but it’s about what you do with that information that leads to your transformation.
Information informs. Transformation TRANSFORMS.
Transformation cannot be controlled, transformation happens over time through small (sometimes big), micro-choices you make in your daily life. It’s not a secret pill you swallow that suddenly enlightens you or makes you different person.
Transformation occurs through surrender, DAILY surrender, and sometimes — literally just being, not doing anything, and not reading the next book or instagram post designed to “fix” your problem or feeling of “stuck-ness”.
Sure, books are super helpful and important. Don’t get me wrong. But at some point, there needs to come a point in which you apply the knowledge. And that does not — cannot — happen all in one day.
It takes daily practice AND GRACE.
This is not your next “fix” on how to beat the stuck-ness, this is simply what I’ve found to be elements of a life lived in more peace and contentment with where you’re at. We simply won’t get it right all the time, and we’re not meant to. And that’s okay. But through practice and accepting grace, life can be lighter—more enjoyable, more at ease.
This reminds me of a verse that often comforts me in times of self-doubt, fatigue or overwhelm:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
When Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light, it means we don’t have to carry the weight of trying to fix everything ourselves. And accepting God’s radical grace gives us rest and a lighter life. Life becomes lighter when we release control and stop trying to do it all on our own and instead, accept the help of our Perfect Father. More on that in another piece…
We so often rely on solely willpower to do the “right thing” and beat ourselves up when we fail (which is also a necessary part of life by the way). We often forget that we are indeed NOT robots. We are human BEINGS with emotions that are often simpler than we make them—we just tend to overcomplicate things. That’s why we need grace.
Grace.
What is Grace?
The word grace is the Greek word charis. It means gift, favor, benefit, gracious, and liberality. Basically, grace is a gift. You can't earn it.
I love how John Bevere puts it:
“Grace is God's EMPOWERMENT that gives us the ability to go beyond our natural ability. When we fail to remember that grace empowers us to go beyond our natural ability, we are prone to strive to be holy in our own ability. This is not possible. It's God's grace that empowers us to be holy.”
Self-condemnation blocks grace. But when we let go of judgment, we make room for grace to transform us.
So let me repeat again, there is no formula.
But you do have the ability to CHOOSE. To choose to ACCEPT grace.
Grace is a gift. It is freely given.
What if you accepted grace today and released the need to be “perfect” all the time?
What if you believed that grace is enough? That God never expected you to carry it all alone?
Sure, life is hard. It sucks sometimes. Your time is being stretched thin and it feels like everyone is demanding something from you. And accepting grace feels like the least helpful thing to do.
But man oh man, when you realise what a GIFT life is, and how light life can be when you accept God’s grace for you – you simply can do no other. Gratitude fills your heart EVEN when life sucks. And you live with a sense of empowerment that only a Perfect Father can gift you with.
True transformation isn’t about forcing yourself to change—it’s about allowing God’s grace to change you.
Let me ask you, “What are you currently CHOOSING?”
Are you CHOOSING stress, striving, and overthinking—or are you choosing His Perfect Grace? That leads to rest and a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light?
Sit down, grab a journal and write about it.
Then I encourage you to not judge what you write.
That’s another prison we often create for ourselves. Self-condemnation. Judgement. And an inability to have grace on OURSELVES.
My mentor once said, “How you do anything, is how you do EVERYTHING.”
So if you are silently judging yourself, then you are most likely judging others… And therefore have an inability to have grace on others too…
Practice self-compassion. If our God loves the sparrows. Then how much MORE does he LOVE you. And has His grace covering you. And has compassion on you.
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows”
Luke 12:6-7 NIV
You are His Beloved.
Do you believe that about yourself?
Do you trust that he loves you in all your forms?
In all your mistakes?
In all your flaws?
In all your shortcomings?
Trust me, my friend. When you start accepting that unexplainable love & grace.
YOU CHANGE.
Your habits change. You don’t desire the same things you desired before. His desires overcome your fleshly desires.
Your friendships improve. You stop nitpicking all their shortcomings. You stop seeking constant attention, attachment or validation.
Your insecurities slowly fade away. They become less of a voice in your head.
Your desires shift. You no longer crave what once tempted you. Instead, you begin to long for God’s holiness.
In other words, we are fallen creatures who don’t always get it right. And won’t always get it right. And that’s okay. It’s the human condition. That’s why we have a Saviour. It does not mean we get a “free pass” to just do what we want. But it does mean — that we are graciously redeemed DESPITE our shortcomings. If we are willing to RECEIVE that grace. And choose Love.
I would say you become perfect but unfortunately my friend, we live in a fallen world with many imperfections. But that’s what makes your human-ness so beautiful. You are imperfect. Loved by a Perfect God.
So stop striving for perfection. Love yourself in the good, the bad & the ugly. Because God does. Why don’t you too?
And when I say love yourself, I simply mean have enough grace and compassion for yourself to forgive yourself when you make mistakes (because you will – everyday) but know that with every moment you choose to trust God, and not scramble to do everything in your power – God smiles at you and says:
“‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’”
Matthew 25:23 NLT
If this resonates with you, click subscribe, share it with a friend, or simply sit with it for a while. Let it stir something in you. And if you feel like it, reply—I’d love to hear how it lands on your heart.
