How These 6 Habits Helped Me Live Lighter and Laugh More
Reflections from the past year of learning to let go and live in freedom.
What if living a joyful, lighter life was simpler than you thought?
Over the past year, I have ruthlessly prioritised these 6 habits, which have led me to live lighter, realise there is no formula, and embrace more joy.
For my “to the point” people, I offer you a brief overview:
Laugh at yourself.
Expect more miracles.
Replace “but” with “and”.
Always accept compliments.
Give.
Embrace it ALL.
For my “context” people, allow me to elaborate:
I offer each one to you as a gift, from the heart and from embodied experience.
1. Laugh at yourself
ESPECIALLY when you make mistakes.
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 NIV
Laughing is LITERALLY the best medicine.
According to David DiSalvo from Forbes, he says and I quote:
“Laughter has an effect similar to antidepressants.”
How often do you laugh at yourself?
When we let go of the pressure to always ‘have it together’ and seek approval from others, and instead CHOOSE to laugh, our body releases endorphins. Endorphins are the hormones responsible for helping us “feel good” and as a result, releases stress and improves our mood.
Laugh!
You wouldn’t believe how often the thought, “You’re not good enough.” or “You’re just a show off” or “You aren’t ready.” goes through my mind DAILY.
I have to constantly remind myself of the truth.
If you believe you are a child of God, that you were made with a purpose then SURELY “you are MORE THAN ENOUGH.”
Because it’s not just you showing up, it’s you partnering with God to create and make an impact on the world.
We ALL make mistakes.
And some mistakes aren’t even our fault, and sometimes we’ve just got to roll with it.
I was commuting to my favourite cafe the other day and as soon as I stepped off the train onto the platform, I walked straight into someone’s vomit from the night before. It was Carnaval week in Portugal, so the city was bustling with people dancing and drinking before Lent. I almost lost my patience. But instead, I laughed and thought, ‘Poor person, ha! Yes, it’s disgusting, but here we are—I might as well LAUGH.’ And that quick laugh pulled me out of my own head and allowed me to enJOY life, ironically, for a moment.
“Oh, the joys of life. The joys of living.”
So when we make mistakes, it’s actually just an opportunity to FIRST OF ALL, LAUGH! And then, (if necessary – sometimes we are simply just tired and need to take a break or a nap fr) understand the root of why we made that mistake.
That often indicates where we are outsourcing our energy or seeking for control, security or approval from outside of ourselves.
When that can only truly be found in establishing our identity.
Our identity as children of God.
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. We are all children of God.”
John 1:12 -13 (NIV)
Prioritising laughing with people truly lifts your mood as well. Being with your people and being able to laugh about something silly really does wonders to our bodies and indicates that we are safe and that we are happy and allows our bodies to relax.
So stop being so serious, get out of your head and LAUGH!
(speaking to myself here too by the way)
And when we choose to laugh, we open ourselves up to the possibility of miracles…
2. Expect MORE miracles.
When you choose to expect miracles and believe good things are possible, you’re training your mind to see possibility instead of only potential problems.
According to the Apple Dictionary, a “miracle” is defined as:
“a remarkable event or development that brings very welcome consequences”
I choose to view big moments and small moments as miracles.
A timely word from a friend.
The sound of rain as you drift to sleep.
Your favourite song that reminds you of your favourite memory just when you need a little pick-me-up.
A physical healing.
A new opportunity.
Here’s the thing – when you focus on what could happen right instead of only what could happen wrong, your whole world changes.
As linear, black and white thinkers we often get STUCK in thinking of all the possible things that could go WRONG.
What if you could think about what could go RIGHT?
And spend your energy on expecting MIRACLES. Expecting GOOD things to happen?
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:38 ESV
This DOES NOT mean bad things don’t happen, and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for hard seasons because they surely do happen. (more on that on number 6: “Embrace it All”)
Nonetheless—if we spend so much time worrying about them and focusing on them, they inevitably happen more often because we somehow conjure them up more by creating our own obstacles or struggles.
What IF you could let go?
What IF you could trust?
Trust that God has got your back, and that you are capable no matter what?
Surely if he got you this far–then SURELY He will continue to support, provide and protect you!
There is enough evil and bad in this life. We are bombarded by it everyday.
Instead of constantly ruminating over it, I invite you to think about something that is uplifting and abundant.
“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].”
Philippians 4:8 AMP
My point here is instead of expecting troubles–expect MIRACLES.
You control how much you are willing to receive especially when you think too hard about it OR you question WHY you received it.
RECEIVE IT.
With open arms, open hands, and an open heart and simply say “THANK YOU.”
I had a friend visiting me from South Africa at the end of last summer in Portugal. We were walking down a busy street and I simply told her that I was really thirsty. And mentioned to her that I need to buy water. She nodded and we continued walking down the street to then stumble upon a water promotion at the Municipality of Water.
And guess what? They were offering water bottles for FREE.
Can you guess what I did?
I kept walking.
I missed my opportunity.
I CHOSE to walk away.
My friend stopped me in my tracks. With a look of confusion on her face and an eyebrow lifted.
She pointed towards the “FREE” sign next to the water stall.
I kept walking and said, “No no, it’s fine. I’ll just buy water at the next kiosk.”
I paused, then I thought – “Why am I making my life harder? Why do I WANT to spend an unnecessary 2-3€ extra just for water? When I have water right in front of me? Happily being given….?”
God was literally providing for me after I had asked less than 5 minutes ago, but I was too caught up in my own way of doing things to receive it.
Coincidence? I think not…
Sometimes, you just need a good friend to remind you–you are WORTHY of receiving. Stop blocking miracles. And RECEIVE.
3. Always accept compliments.
Another receiving exercise.
When was the last time you genuinely received a compliment?
Coming from South Africa, culturally–we have this strange tendency to block compliments in order to appear as “nice’ or unselfish. We often struggle to receive compliments because we either think the person is just being polite, or deep down, we don’t believe we are worthy of their praise.
It took me a really long time and daily practice to stop deflecting compliments and openly receive them with gratitude and humility. Receiving compliments can be very exposing because you feel seen and often that feeling is associated with arrogance because you tend to feel good because of it.
Allow me to give you permission to—just receive it!
As humans, we all seek to belong. So naturally, receiving compliments gives us a fuzzy feeling inside. Be careful not to mistake it for your worth which leads you down a slippery slope of outsourcing your approval to others.
Instead, receive the compliment.
And simply say–thank you.
When people take the time to say something nice to you or compliment you, they actually took a moment to think about it before saying it and by deflecting their kind words, you rob them from an opportunity to spread joy and kindness to you.
My point is that compliments are wonderful and should be received well and are also not equivalent to your self-worth.
Your self-worth should come from within and from your identity as a child of God.
So next time someone takes the time to say your outfit looks good or they admire your character, soak it in, acknowledge their compliment and then remind yourself of where your true affirmation comes from–God the Father. Accept the compliment as is and if you TRULY feel on your heart to say something back, then go for it. If not – a simple “thank you” suffices.
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
4. Replace “but” with “and”.
I don’t know about you but–”but” usually indicates something negative is to follow.
I’m not saying that’s wrong–not at all. But I do think that we've allowed it to overtake the way we speak and therefore the way we think. There’s this quote that my friend said to me the other day, “I’m not much but I’m all I think about.”
And woah–did that hit home.
We are human and so naturally we spend a lot of time thinking and often our thoughts are not the most helpful.
We have to constantly remind ourselves of the truth and pay attention to how we think about ourselves, situations and others.
“But” simply implies that there is always a prerequisite to something and often doesn’t allow us to fully embrace or enjoy the moment or the gift or whatever it is we’ve been blessed with in that moment.
I’ve made a conscious decision the last 3 months to stop using “but” as my go-to filler word. I’ve consciously decided to replace it with “and” as far and as relevant as possible.
I’ve found that it creates and invites more possibility, hope and joy into your life.
I was experiencing some inner turmoil about a big shift in my life a few weeks ago and I realised first of all that I wasn’t allowing myself to fully embrace the season I was stepping into AND I was experiencing two emotions at the same time. I was happy and excited about the new step I was taking AND I was sad about leaving my old identity behind. I had to create room to mourn the old version of myself and embrace the new version. I could’ve said, “I’m happy but I feel sad and so I should keep being sad and feel sorry for myself.”
INSTEAD–I decided to say, “I’m happy and I’m sad and that’s okay.”
Pay attention to your words.
Your vocabulary says a lot about what you think.
5. Give.
Scarcity only breeds more scarcity.
Giving has a ripple effect.
When you give to someone and they honestly receive it (giving doesn’t always mean monetary or material by the way–it can be a compliment, time, resources, or a smile), you empower the other person to receive and you create a possibility for them to give to someone else.
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Acts 20:35 NIV
I cannot count the number of times I have been abundantly blessed by people in my life.
Often, it was super scary to receive…
I felt extremely guilty and viewed myself as a burden to them. And slowly what I started to realise over time was that it was truly a gift from the heart. It was a gift (whether it was their time, resources or a compliment), most of the time–they truly meant it.
And if they didn’t, spending time ruminating or wondering whether they meant it or not was a waste of time. And an invasion of boundaries. What they think of me or of the situation is none of my business. I cannot control what others think and I cannot control their actions. I can only take responsibility for what I think, say and do and try my very best to impact others in a way that empowers them. What they receive is up to them and I have to trust their word is true and that their actions are genuine.
“The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
2 Corinthians 9:6-7 ESV
“For God loves a cheerful giver.”
I love that. He doesn’t expect us to give everything away, being left depleted. He expects us to “give CHEERFULLY”.
What does it mean to give “cheerfully”?
Cheerfully can be described as “readily and willingly:”.
How BEAUTIFUL is that?
Wow.
“Readily and willingly.’’
Not under compulsion, not under arrogance and not to show off or just to feel good about yourself.
God expects us to give “readily and willingly.”
If we are not ready, he doesn’t expect us to give.
If we are not willing, he doesn’t expect us to give either.
It does not mean we should not give at all, but it does speak to the nature of your heart posture.
So let me ask you – where’s your heart at?
It is better to give cheerfully than to give reluctantly.
Rather give nothing than give something with a resentful heart.
Give what feels right.
And I promise you–as you start to do this more often, your heart will WANT to give more and the desires that God has will seep into your heart and you will give openly and freely. Not carelessly, but stewarding your gifts and resources well and giving from a ready and willing heart.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:10 NIV
6. Embrace it ALL.
When I say “embrace it all” I simply mean embrace all the feels. All the moments. All the hard times. Embrace happiness. Embrace the sadness. Embrace the uncertainty. Embrace it all.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV
It’s clear that we will face hard seasons, but it’s also clear that you can do ANYTHING through Him (God) who gives you strength. There is a season for every activity under heaven meaning there is a given time for everything.
When we resist the season, we resist the journey God is trying to take us on.
We resist the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves, about others and about God.
I know, it sounds counterintuitive–right?
But really–when you fully embrace EVERYTHING… oh the JOY you experience is so much deeper because you truly allowed yourself to feel through the pain. So when joy comes, it feels true. It feels real. And sometimes you manage to find joy in the midst of pain…
It’s when you realise it’s the little things in life…
My invitation to you is to try one each month for the next 6 months. Take a chance on yourself. Take it step by step. One bite at a time.
Commit to one of these habits for a month and see your life change.
Let me know how it shifts your life.
Invite God in to help remind you of the little steps and ask Him for guidance. Use the Scriptures as a way to remind yourself that God wants you to live a life of JOY.
Yes, suffering is part of life but we still have the power to choose how we respond. That’s the beauty.
We are not forced to do ANYTHING. We have freewill. And when we walk with God, our hearts soften and more joy can be experienced because we taste a little more of his glory each day as we draw closer to Him.
I’ll link an oldie:
I hope you find joy and lightness in embracing these six habits. And let me know which habit resonates with you most by commenting below or replying to this email.
And most importantly, keep showing up. <3
